Changing Perspectives
by JackBadJuJu
Summary: Everyone is enamored with the new arrival of Bella Swan, but 1 person, Edward Cullen, could seem to care less. But will a serious accident bring them together? What will the consequences be of their relationship? What in Edward's past could keep them apart? Rated M. Deals with depression & trauma. Full disclosure inside. Please REVIEW. AH OOC All canon couples. Updated weekly.
1. Chapter 1

First, thank you very much for choosing to read this story. I really appreciate it and I hope you like it.

Second, for those who have put me on Author Alert thanks very much. My story for The Hunger Games Real or Not Real? will soon be updated. Sorry, currently dealing with loss of eye sight.

Just a warning this will be a very angst filled story, but there will be moments of fluff or even lemony goodness. But this will be inside the head of a very depressed individual. Some of her actions will seem off the wall, but as the story goes on you will understand why.

**Warning: This story will touch on sex, drugs, traumatic experiences, abuse, and people dealing with depression and Post Traumatic Syndrome. **

This story was previously featured on my old account. I wrote it years ago, so I have changed some things and edited my mistakes. I actually had a lot of reviews for this story, so hopefully that will be the case again.

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Some things never change. The weather in Forks will never change. Charlie's nightly routine of surfing cable sports programs and then falling asleep in his recliner will never change. High school will never change. Ever.

The thing is…I have changed. My whole perspective on life has changed. I lay in bed musing over all the differences as the early morning started to bathe my room in subdued gray light. I hadn't been in school now for several months. Ever since…

I pushed myself off of the bed. It had been seven and half months since I had walked the halls of Forks high school. I traced the long scar on my right arm. I had many scars now. I had always been prone to the physical evidence of my clumsiness, but these scars weren't necessarily my fault. I rubbed my eyes and thought, 'It really was no one's fault'.

Sure, people gossiped for the longest time that my father was going to sue Tyler Crowley for damages, but it never happened. It wasn't his fault that his tires hit a patch of black ice and I was in the way. I would have never let blaming Tyler for everything continue, even if I was half unconscious most of the time. I swallowed down the memory of the metal taste in my mouth from all the morphine I had been on that had made my brain almost melt with its effects.

I extended my arm out as far as I could stretch still feeling the soreness and stiffness. The wound had been extensive, even cutting an artery. I had finally gained full range of motion again, but it didn't come without pain. I had healed almost miraculously Dr. Cullen had said. I didn't feel like a miracle as weak as I still was.

I still remember the news crew from Seattle that showed up to cover the story. I never granted an interview, but still they persisted. I didn't understand the attention, and didn't want to participate in it.

I am reminded often by the townspeople who had prayed for me when the two churches in town held vigils for me, as if they had contributed to my recovery. They had vigils for a girl they hardly knew. Sometimes I wondered what went through their minds asking some power above to heal me. What did they see as healed? Was the difficulty I experienced everyday what they expected their God to be okay with?

They pitied me for my youth, and settled on caring for me because I was Charlie's daughter. I'm sure their prayers were vague and generalized at best since when the accident occurred I had only been in town for three weeks.

And it had been a strange three weeks at that. Arriving at school with everyone tailing me like I was a rock star was very awkward and enormously uncomfortable. Of course there was one person who didn't seem to care at all. Well, at least at first.

I shook my head trying to stop the line of thinking I knew was coming. It was dangerous for me to think about him right now. It was also very stupid and disappointing when I realized what I was doing. The way I thought about Edward Cullen was more like fantasying than anything else. How much of an idiot would I look if he ever found out?

I maneuvered my body to the edge of the bed. I was always in so much pain in the morning, and I was feeling it acutely as I put both feet down. Both of my legs had been broken, but my left leg was worse since my left foot had also been fractured. That was only the beginning of my injuries I had sustained. I had fractured my arm and collar bone on my left side, along with the deep gash I had on my right forearm. I had broken ribs as well and had fractured my skull.

These kinds of things were expected with being hit by a car. Well, I suppose it was a van. Tyler had received it as a hand me down when his mom bought a sedan. It was a big blue van. I've heard though that the wonderful townspeople have discussed the incident so much that the van changed into a bus. I can see the jokes now.

"Man, I feel like I've been hit by a bus. You know, like Bella Swan."

I glared at the cane next to my bed thinking over the rumor mill that still prevailed, and also my total bitterness of having to use the damn cane. Then I looked down at the black boot, or leg brace, I had to wear on my left leg. I had managed finally to get out of wearing the boot on both legs since my right leg healed so well and was only minimally damaged, but the left one had caught a lot of the impact. The boot was so suffocating that I had been leaving it off when I slept. The cane and the boot embodied my hatred of the entire situation I had been forced to endure.

I had been on crutches a month ago and in a wheelchair before that. Yeah, that had been fun in Charlie's small two story house. I was carried upstairs by Charlie or...

No, I'm not thinking about that. I should be grateful that I had graduated to the damn cane and boot, but I hated it. I hated this whole situation. I took a deep breath trying my best to not be resentful.

I grabbed the cane and steady myself as I stood up. I could wait to put the boot back on when I was done with my shower. Walking was still close to excruciating, but I refused to be beat. I started the trek to the bathroom. Even though it was only ten feet from my bedroom door, it still felt like a journey. It was slow and arduous.

I would never take for granted the ability to take a shower by myself again. I had been receiving help from Alice Cullen since the beginning of my ordeal. She even had helped give me sponge bathes when I was in the hospital for two weeks. Of course that only reminded me of who else had been there with her.

I sat down in my shower chair harder than I should have, and grabbed my shampoo bottle and squeezed a good amount out, perhaps too much. I practically slammed the bottle down and started lathering my hair up.

_"__Your hair is so soft."_ I heard him breathe into my ear. The motions of my hands froze. They stayed suspended as I felt a distinct shiver go down my back. I heard those words so clear I could have sworn he was in the shower with me. The thought made my skin turn bright red.

I could still recall completely the memory of the day he had said that. I allowed myself this one luxury, this one quiet torture. Not all my memories of Edward were sweet, but this one had been.

_He stood by my bed side brandishing a hairbrush. His smile stretched across his face, and I wondered what cheered him so. _

_"__Nurse said I could help." He suddenly exclaimed as he fidgeted nervously with the brush. _

_I looked at him completely baffled. Was he expecting to brush out my hair? He acted as if he was a child that had been allowed to finally help with an adult chore. Surely it was an act on his part to make me feel better. No one relished in taking care of an invalid._

_"__What do you mean?" I tried not to appear rude, but my confusion made my words sound sharper than I would have liked. _

_"__She said I could help you sit up and brush your hair for you." He replied almost sheepishly. I could see why. What a mortifying and humiliating situation to put us in! _

_It was impossible to think that he would want to go through this rat's nest or that he had volunteered to. The nurse must have been out of her mind. _

_"__Oh. Where's Alice?" I had learned to depend on Alice even though my first reaction was to push my every limit of independence. _

_"__She's back home for awhile. She'll be back soon. It's just us right now." _

_After he said that his breathing seemed to stall out. Oh God, how uncomfortable he must feel? He must think I would ask him to do something to help me. Something he shouldn't have to do. He had already saved my life. Wasn't that enough?_

_"__Don't worry about it, Edward. I can wait for Alice." I assured him with a soft smile. _

_"__No its okay-" He started but I cut him off. _

_"__Really I'll wait. You don't have to. I won't ask you to take care of me like that." _

_He looked down at the brush and pulled hard on the bristles. He took a deep breath and then blew it out with a huff. _

_"__I want to, Bella." His eyes shot up to me, and I felt them pierce me through as if they were weapons of silent persuasion. He had to know his power over me. He had to be aware that look was all he needed to use in order for me to crumble. _

_"__Alright." I whispered back, unable to use a tone higher._

_As soon as he had my permission he arranged a chair beside the bed so when I turned I could keep my damaged legs elevated. He placed the brush on the night stand, and then came close to my side and worked the bed to I sat up at a better angle. The bed brought him closer, and I tried to conceal the fact that I was salivating at his proximity and his scent that now surrounded me. _

_"__Are you ready?" He asked in a quiet tone. His smile was gone and was now replaced with something I could not name or understand._

_I honestly couldn't comprehend why Edward hung around me at all, especially now when he didn't have to. Alice could care for me, and I had a whole hospital of nurses. It's not like we had had an exceptional friendship before the accident. In fact, we had just started to get along. Why was Edward Cullen giving a crap about me? I wondered this as I nodded to him telling him I was ready. _

_He wrapped his arms around me, and I snaked my arms around his neck. I wanted to desperately pretend that this was some lover's embrace, but unfortunately it was just him helping me sit at the edge of the bed. He lifted me without me really putting any effort into helping. When I was sitting straight up I winced at the pain from my side. I had a couple of ribs broken, and the best Dr. Cullen could do was tape them. _

_"__Oh God, did I hurt you?" Edward questioned frantically. _

_"__Huh? No. It's just my ribs." I said as I pointed to the offending body part and he nodded minutely. _

_He then picked up my legs gently and scooted them on the chair to rest. I thanked the heavens that I had kept my blanket over me because my nightgown had hiked up with the movement. I was just glad they let me have my own nightgowns. You know the ones that close in the back._

_"__Are you comfortable?" Edward asked politely. _

_"__Yes, thank you." I replied with a smile. He grinned back at me almost as if proud. _

_"__Great." _

_He picked up the brush again and rounded the bed to sit behind me. He sat down and I felt his leg against my backside effectively making me blush and my breath to come out a lot quicker. His fingers grazed against my skin as he gathered my hair at my neck. I felt goose bumps where his touch had just been. He ran the brush though my hair several times occasionally touching my bare skin. Whenever this would happen I would hold my breath hoping he wouldn't notice. _

_He took a lot longer than Alice or nurses had ever taken, and I found myself closing my eyes and enjoying every second of it. He put down the brush. I thought he was done, but then suddenly his hands were running through my hair. He would start from the top of my head to the very bottom of my mane where it almost touched the bed. He would play with it, picking it up and pulling it together. I begged my throat to not make the humming sound it badly wanted to make. _

_"__Your hair is so soft." He breathed out. _

_My eyes flew open. I couldn't help but be the over analyzing female at that moment wondering what he meant by that. What did it mean that Edward was voluntarily brushing my hair or that he was seemingly enjoying it? I swallowed hard trying to calm down any thoughts or daydreams that were suddenly uncontrollable. _

_He picked up the brush again and removed a hair band from the handle. He started brushing my hair into a pony tail with more expertise then I would have expected. I gently giggled despite myself. _

_"__What are you laughing at?" He sounded amused. I let myself laugh a little before I answered. _

_"__I just didn't realize that guys knew anything about girls' hair." I chuckled a little bit more, and Edward joined me. _

_"__Well, when you spend half your life with Alice as her guinea pig you learn some girl stuff." He responded back with a sarcastic tone. _

_"__Oh please, don't tell me you know how to put on makeup better than I do." I said back to him trying hard not to laugh but failing. _

_Alice and Edward had started out at Carlisle and Esme Cullen's house as foster mates. Their brother Emmett had already been adopted by the couple the year before. Alice and Edward were close after spending a substantial amount of time together in the same facility before ending up at the Cullens._

_Alice's parents were both dead so her adoption into the Cullen family had been swift and easy. Edward, however, still had a living father and he was technically just a foster kid in the family. But the Cullens and Edward didn't look at it like that. Edward considered the Cullens his family above the one he had in the past. The family was more than happy to see him as their son and brother. _

_"__HaHa." He said wryly. "No. I wasn't that much of a pushover." _

_I knew that Edward had often placated his beloved sister by opting to cheer her up at any cost, even if that included her picking out his clothes or dragging him around shopping. He was very selfless in that way with her. Even though he loved the Cullen family, he was absolutely devoted to Alice. He would probably burn the world for her, and I ached for him to feel the same or more for me. _

_While I almost lamented the fact that I could not be any closer to Edward than as a friend he would probably never be enamored with, I felt him move. He sat down beside me on the bed and looked at me intently. _

_"__Anyway, you don't need any makeup." He said softly. At first I was shocked and could only stare back at him, but then my face lit up with my smile being bigger than the Cheshire cat. I turned away from his gaze. He touched the top of my head where my hair was pulled into a pony tail. _

_"__Is it okay?" His hand trailed down my hair, and then he pulled it away placing it on his lap. My good hand flew up to my hair and felt around to make sure there were no chunks missing from the hair band. He had actually done a very good job, probably better than I could on my best day. _

_"__Yeah. It's perfect." He seemed relieved that I approved. "Maybe you should stop dreaming about being a musician and look into a career as a hair stylist." I joked with him. _

_"__Yes, I'm sure Alice would approve of that, but I wouldn't get as many girls." He countered back with a wicked smile. _

_"__I would still go out with you." I blurted out before I could catch and rearrange my tone into a kidding one. Could I have sounded any more desperate? _

_"__Oh. I mean…uh…" I couldn't even finish the sentence. I just turned beet red and looked away. _

_"__Well the musician thing probably won't work out anyway." Edward said lowly as he put his hands on the bed, slightly touching my thigh. _

_"__What do you mean?" I said genuinely concerned. He had told me it was his dream, and Alice had informed me that he was a very proficient and beautiful pianist. What would hold him back from that certain future?_

_"__Carlisle thinks I should go to school for something…medical." He almost choked on the word. "Since he's graciously footing the bill for me to go to any kind of college, I kind of feel obliged to listen to what he suggests. I mean it's the least I can do." _

_Edward felt very thankful to Carlisle and Esme for how they had basically saved Alice and him. He had often expressed that he felt guilty about the fact he could never pay them back. _

_Considering Edward as a doctor, I thought about how he had saved my life in the parking lot the day of the accident. He had held my arm making a tourniquet from his own belt to stop me from bleeding out. How many seventeen year olds knew to do that?_

_"__You could be really good at that." I nudged him so that he understood why I thought so. _

_"__All because I know first aid because my Dad's a doctor doesn't mean I will be good at anything medical, Bella." He said it in such a self deprecating way. My heart hurt thinking about how he seemed to look at himself. If only he saw what I did. _

_"__You don't have to feel responsible to what Carlisle might think is best for you. You have to follow your own heart. I think you would be wonderful at anything you choose to do, Edward. I have faith in you." He looked at me with shining, sad eyes._

_How many people had said that to Edward? Maybe Carlisle? Surely Alice had. But when he looked at me at that moment it felt like I had been the only one to see and profess the potential I knew Edward possessed. _

_"__Thank you." He whispered quietly. _

_He didn't look away, and I couldn't feel my embarrassment creep up on me. It was only me and him, and I felt he could see right through me. I almost thought that he could see exactly who I was and what I felt for him. I wanted to believe it looked like he was okay with that. I wouldn't dare to let myself hope that he returned the feeling. _

_"__Okay! I'm back with fresh nightgowns and mocha frappacinos!" Alice burst into the room effectively ruining our moment. I loved my new best friend, but I silently cursed her just then. Edward jumped up from his place on the bed, excused himself, and then was out of the room in twenty seconds flat as if he was a spooked animal__._

_"__What was all that about?" Alice asked me as I still stared out into the direction he had fled._

I pulled the curtain back after I was done with my shower, and gingerly stepped out. I toweled off still thinking about one of the better memories I had of Edward. I found myself smiling when I thought how we had first met. So much had changed since then. But at the same time Edward seemed so distant to me still.

Now his distance wasn't only the defense he put up, but true terrible physical separation. I would rather he be here ignoring me so at least I knew he was okay. I couldn't expect such a small mercy anymore I suppose.


	2. Chapter 2

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Getting dressed was a new kind of challenge since the accident, but at the same time it allowed me to dress however I wanted to in the name of comfort. I didn't see Alice being cruel enough to try and force me into a pair of heels. Although, I thought sardonically that I would trade a life time with high heels than have to continue to wear the giant boot as I prepared to strap it on resentfully.

Alice was a friend that I had not anticipated making when I came to Forks. From the first day she was very kind to me, of course in a very over bearing Alice sort of way. She had genuinely been interested in finding out the person that I was from the beginning. She morphed into almost a caretaker and confidant when my luck turned that January afternoon.

I would later admit to myself that I had at first decided to befriend her to figure out her brother. He seemed like such a strange mystery to me. It made sense to be friends with Alice, and if I could find out more about Edward than that was just a bonus I would tell myself.

I chuckled as I sat down thinking of my stupid ideas to get close to him at the beginning, and slowly started to put on my sweatpants. I put my left leg through and then my walking boot over the material of the pants. I put my right foot in as well. I then steadied myself on my right leg, my good leg, as I stood to pull them up. I remember the first time I was able to dress myself after the accident. I would have done a dance if it was physically possible. I tried to not let the sad thought carry on depressing me further, but it still lingered.

'_I wonder what else will always be physically difficult from now on.'_

I pushed it away as I pulled my shirt over my head. I started the journey down the stairs. Charlie had already left for work earlier in the morning. I had for awhile been trying to wake up before he left so he could help walk me down stairs, but I had been lazy this morning. I had been starting to get lazier lately. Or maybe I was getting more depressed? I wasn't sure, and didn't feel like gaining any insight into it.

I took each stair slow and gripped the railing on one side as I used the cane to steady my other side. When I made it to the bottom I took a deep breath feeling the burn from that exercise on my weak muscles.

I made my way to the kitchen to the magic cabinet of breakfast cereal. Since I had been injured Alice had helped me with the shopping, sometimes doing it all on her own on my worst days. I had been dealing with pretty bad pain days that week so she had picked up the groceries all by herself. Sometimes this really unnerved me because she felt it her duty to over buy or switch out brands of things I had requested, and she always made sure to get Charlie and me something special. When I was with her I could dissuade her from spending any extra money on us, but when she was by herself it was a free for all.

All though it bothered me that she was buying these unneeded and unasked for items, it still warmed my heart. Despite my hatred of charity towards me, I still recognized a good friend that was embodied in Alice. It also didn't hurt that she always seemed to get every kind of cereal that I adored when she went by herself. I hadn't checked the treasure this week, but my excitement took me over when I opened the cabinet.

"Holy God!" I exclaimed as I ran down the names: Cocoa Krispies, Capn' Crunch, Blueberry Morning, Honey Nut Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Honey Comb, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Waffle Crisp, and the elusive Oh's.

"Ooooo." I grabbed the box of Oh's and hugged it shamelessly. It was very rare to catch this certain cereal in Forks. It was hard to come by in Phoenix, and to find it in Forks was like finding an oasis in the desert. I laughed out at my ironic metaphor. Forks was far from a desert.

I had only caught Oh's once here, and the fact that Alice had managed to find it when she was by herself meant only one thing. I was absolutely sure she had bought out the supply. Inquisitive if it was true, I started moving the cereal on the shelf to see the back of the cabinet lined with four more boxes of Oh's. I giggled at the plunder. I wanted to be upset with her for spending money on me. Even though I gave her a budget I would have to give her a little more money this week because of this. I tried to push the annoyed feeling away, and I settled for feeling loved by my best friend. Alice never had a problem with showing affection for me, even from the first day.

_She had waited until everyone had fulfilled their curiosity of me at lunch. She stopped me in the cafeteria when the bell rang to make introductions._

"_Hi, I'm Alice Cullen. Bella, right?" She held out her hand courteously. _

"_Yeah." I touched my hand to hers and she nearly bounced at the contact. _

"_Nice to meet you." She smiled as if she was a kid on Christmas day. I had laughed at her enthusiasm. _

"_You too." I replied feeling oddly relaxed with this girl like I hadn't been with anyone else in a long time._

"_If you need any help or anything, you got a friend right here. I know how overwhelming the first day here can be. I had to deal with the same thing a few years ago." She explained to me quickly her family moving here from Chicago. She described many of the same feelings I had felt entering the spotlight that was small town high school. She also told me about her brothers Emmett and Edward, and how she so looked forward to us being friends._

_Regardless of the ease I felt with Alice, I was starting to feel very overwhelmed by that point in the day so I was trying my best to pay attention to her and be cordial. I'm sure she noticed my burgeoning discomfort because she stopped abruptly, bid me goodbye, and allowed me to continue to my next class with a smile just as bright as before. _

I sat down to eat my bowl of cereal trying my damnedest to focus on Alice. She was very important in my life, more important than he was. I kept trying to convince myself that, but the truth was that I couldn't put Edward in a category of important and more important. He was his own entity, one that I couldn't seem to understand or ultimately effect. Was it just my wounded pride over that fact that prevented me from wanting to think about him?

I, at the very least, didn't want to remember the first time I met him but for some reason I couldn't stop myself. My strength had been failing when I tried to ignore the fact that I even knew Edward. Each day it waned and now I was willingly recalling one of the moments that were not our finest just because I wanted to remember him.

_Biology hadn't ever been a favorite subject mine and I had a feeling I would not like it much in Forks. I was good at Biology, but I felt disconnected to the subject matter most of the time. I needed something interesting to hold my attention, and cells and proteins didn't exactly whip me into an educational frenzy. Biology felt more like a chore than an adventure in learning. Of course it was this class that already inspired aggravation that I would first meet him. _

_I sat down in the seat that the teacher had pointed out with a very dramatic sigh, and I wondered to myself if this day could get any longer. I had been introduced to Mike, Angela, Jessica, Tyler, Eric, and Lauren. I was surprised with myself that I had even remembered all the names. I must be bored already. _

_As I brought out a notebook to take any notes that I might have to jot down, I saw Mike Newton staring at me from the door. I tried not to make direct eye contact, and instead allowed my hair to fall in my face. I didn't want Mike to think that I cared about any attention he bestowed on me because honestly I wasn't looking for it. This situation was already so awkward I really couldn't imagine being pursued by someone like Mike or really anyone at the moment. _

"_Hey Bella." When he greeted me I had to contain the eye roll that threatened to make a move. He acted as if we hadn't just talked for an hour at lunch. I looked up to him feeling rude that I was delaying the action, and gave a very small if not annoyed smile. _

"_Hey Mike. What's up?" I replied as kindly as I could. _

"_Uh, I see Mr. Banner sat you here with Cullen. Are you okay with that?" He asked as if he was nervous or something. _

"_Cullen? Why wouldn't I be okay with that?" If he meant Alice Cullen then I didn't have a problem with that at all. _

_Even though Alice seemed thoroughly consuming, she had also checked herself when she started to cross boundaries that people like Mike and Jessica had wantonly crossed constantly since I had met them this morning. _

"_Well, I mean he's not all that stable. He has a pretty sharp temper." Mike said as he leaned over the desk and into my personal space. Was he looking to be a protector for me?_

"_He?" I asked dumbly. _

_I then remembered that Alice had said she attended school with her brothers. I immediately wanted to defend this brother I had only had knowledge of for a grand total of fifteen minutes because I had a good first impression with his sister. _

"_Yeah, Edward Cullen. You haven't heard about him yet?" Mike said with a conspiratorial smile. _

_I shook my head unsure if I felt curious or annoyed that Mike was turning into an unexpected gossip monger before my eyes. Was it so much to ask for me to form my own opinion about the people around here? I then sadly realized that everyone probably had assumed the person I was. _

_Before I could form the frown at the thought of reputation and impressions, I saw behind a still talking Mike one of the best looking guys I had ever seen. This mysterious boy had green eyes that were blazing and a mouth set in a menacing, grim line. His bronze hair was wild and his face was beautiful, but his whole demeanor seemed to scream dangerous. He looked thoroughly pissed. I could only guess that this was in fact the same Edward Cullen he was talking about. _

"_Um, Mike." I tried to warn the unsuspecting gossip, but he continued with the Cullen bashing. _

"_Oh, man! Cullen…he's a trip. Has been since he got here. He thinks he's God's gift to women walking around here as if he owns the place. Another thing is he can't seem to find a comb or something because his hair always looks like he rolled out of bed. I mean personal hygiene much?" When he took a breath I tried to stop him again. _

"_Mike." I said with a little more force, but ended up closing my eyes in defeat when he continued. I looked to Edward trying to apologize with my eyes, but I couldn't read the look he returned to see if he understood or not. _

"_His sister is kinda weird but sweet, but him…I swear to God one day you are going to see him on America's Most…" Mike stopped his rant when Edward walked past him and took his seat beside me. He glared over to Mike and then to me as if we had been skinning puppies on the desk. I wondered to myself why he would look at me like that, but then realized that he didn't know that I wasn't contributing to the verbal insulting. _

"_Mike." I turned to him. "I think class is ready to start." As if on cue Mr. Banner called the class to order sending Mike to his desk. _

_I breathed out as if I had been held under water. The tension I felt was still very evident, but with Mike gone I felt some of it dissipate. I really didn't feel like being between two teenage boys while they fought on my first day, even though I had only now just seen Edward I was pretty sure he could kick Mike's ass. I wouldn't say that Mike didn't deserve it. _

_I glanced over to Edward sitting next to me, but his eyes were fixed on the desk. I took the moment to observe him a little better. He seemed absolutely furious. His jaw was clenched as if he was restraining himself from doing something, and I could see red creeping up the skin on his neck. I was going to look away, but I found myself transfixed with him. I wanted nothing more than to find out why he was so upset and to fix it. _

_I couldn't figure out why I needed to make sure that this stranger knew that I didn't think the things that Mike was talking about. Well, at least that I didn't think them yet. I would make my own observations on this subject before I judged._

_Never had I wanted to be accepted by some random person in my life before, and this completely irritated me. Who was Edward Cullen to me at the moment? He was a just a guy that had walked in on a conversation about how unstable he was while I listened. Why did I feel so guilty over an offense that I hadn't implemented against a person I really didn't know?_

_As tried to decipher what I was thinking, his eyes suddenly flinted away from the desk top and stared straight into mine. I wanted to slap myself as I noted that he had flecks of gold in his green eyes. When did I become so strangely superficial? At least that's what I thought it was at first, but then I felt like I was looking at something more than just his gorgeous eyes. As cliché as it sounds, it was like I was peering into his soul. He looked curiously vulnerable and hurt as well as infuriated, all at the same time. _

_I felt like a butterfly pinned down by him. Every time I tried to flutter away, I failed under his gaze. I couldn't look away or formulate any thought in my head. He just glared at me with what seemed to be unbridled hatred._

_I was horrified to think that perhaps he thought I was agreeing with Mike. I couldn't know what kind of person Edward was. I had only met him this minute, but it wasn't going as well as I would have hoped. I tried not to have Mike's opinions overcome any impression that Edward could give me on his own, but I had to admit that a small shock of fear threatened to cause me to instantly judge him. The saying don't judge a book by its cover radiated through my mind. At the same time I sardonically thought, "What if the cover looks beautiful yet dangerous and enraged?"_

_Perhaps he decided to have mercy on me because he moved his disgusted glower back to the top of the desk. Most of the class went this way as the teacher droned on with his lecture. I would try and catch a glimpse of Edward to see if he was still angry, but my fear would win out and I would fail to look beyond the curtain of my hair. _

_I thought I could feel his eyes on me more than once. When I tried to divert my attention elsewhere I caught Mike Newton looking over at the desk I shared with Edward. He watched us, but would often duck his head behind his text book to seem inconspicuous I suppose. This led me to believe that Edward had looked at me a few times in the duration of the class. _

_There was a knock at the door, and what appeared to be an administrator poked her head in. She held a walkie-talkie in her hand, and asked if Mr. Banner could join her in the hallway. He warned us to keep our seats and to keep quiet, but the moment he left the class erupted with loud conversations. I took the opportunity to try and look at Edward again, but he was looking at his cell phone as if he was impatiently waiting for something. I turned away from him and looked around the room wishing I had a distraction. _

_Mike stayed in his seat, but he smiled over to me many times while he talked to Tyler. I tried not to look at Mike again lest he think I wanted him to become a rescuer from Edward. _

_I spotted Jessica at the other end of the room talking animatedly with other girls. They pulled out a magazine and huddled over it giggling to each other. I already surmised that Jessica and I had little in common, and therefore probably wouldn't forge a deep friendship. Watching her enjoy relationships with other girls made me feel strangely resentful and perhaps envious. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn't just be like everyone else. _

_I stopped looking around the room of new faces, and kept my eyes down. I doodled aimlessly in my notebook feeling more forlorn than I had since leaving Phoenix._

_I sighed out frustrated that the day had not only featured me sitting uncomfortable next to a fuming stranger, but it was also more boring than I could have anticipated. It was then that I heard Edward's hand slam on the table making me jump in surprise and turn to him. I looked at him and then to his hand splayed across the table._

_No one had seemed to notice his fury in action but me in the loud room. He glanced down at his hand and then slowly reeled it back as if sorry he had hit the table. He looked even more livid than before, but his eyes didn't seem as hard against me. They looked almost apologetic. I chanced it, and tried to talk to him. Perhaps his remorse would make him a little kinder towards me. _

"_Are you okay?" I asked quietly hoping he would hear me. He eyed me for a long moment. _

"_What do you care?" He scoffed picking his phone up and texting quickly on it. Perhaps he had reacted to something he had received on his phone? _

"_I...I…just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem really upset." I stuttered pathetically. _

_He looked back up to me. He seemed to be examining my sincerity. I tried not to feel any more uncomfortable than I felt already when his eyes looked me up and down. Was he checking me out? Why would he do that? And why didn't that freak me out? Why the hell had I derived some form of satisfaction from it?_

"_I'm fine." He finally said as if bored with me. He turned back to his phone, but didn't seem to be actually doing anything with it. I felt frozen still turned to him watching as he tried to ignore me. _

"_Okay." I let out slowly as I moved myself to face the front. _

_When I turned my attention away from him, he set his phone on the desk between us. I wanted to take off one of my boots and start hitting it. I was unsure why I was suddenly incited to resort to violence, but I couldn't stand being in this situation anymore. _

_I figured I could not hurt Edward Cullen due to my weakness, but his phone could suffer. If I was as heartless as I imagined in my strange daydreams in that moment, then he would be mourning over many broken pieces of plastic that once resembled his damn phone. _

_He did something that seemed very strange to me then. He laid his head down on his forearms turning away from me and let out a shudder. What was wrong with him? And why the hell did I give a crap?_

_Right then I decided that I hated Edward. I hated him for making me care for this insolent boy who obviously was as unstable as I had been warned about. I even started considering talking to Mr. Banner after class to get my seat switched. I would sit by myself if that's what it took. I would suffer though projects without a lab partner for the rest of the year. I probably had done all the labs already back in Phoenix for god's sake anyway. _

_But then I couldn't even stay angry at him. I realized I really hated myself. I hated myself for my self-imposed exile to make my mother happy. I hated myself for sacrificing once more for her fickle needs, and I hoped that this time my sacrifice would actually amount to something. She was newly married to man so much younger than her, and I could only believe her when she tried to assure me like some Beetle that "love was all you need." I scoffed as I thought to myself, "And an absent teenage daughter apparently."_

_But most of all I hated myself for being so lonely that I was attaching myself to Edward Cullen's feelings and needs already because I, at first, thought him to be the misunderstood underdog._

_I couldn't stop staring at his figure. He looked so…defeated. I had the startlingly inclination to reach out and touch him. Maybe pat his shoulder. Perhaps say something comforting like "Its okay." or "You're not alone." But I didn't know if he was alone. He could be as alone as I felt, and would he even want reassurance from me? What would I say? Probably something corny like, "Want to be alone together?" It sounded like a really forward pick up line. _

"_I'm sorry you're upset." I almost covered my mouth realizing I had blurted it out to him. He turned his head around to face me as it still rested on his forearms. _

"_Why are you sorry?" He asked quietly. I could see him resisting an eye roll. It was as if he was questioning himself why he was even addressing me again. _

"_I don't want you to think that I was agreeing with Mike. I'm new here and I don't know you..."_

"_You're right. You don't know me. So don't be sorry." He cut me off as if it was a reprimand. _

_He opened his mouth to say something else, but decided not to and slammed it shut. He furrowed his brow as if sorry he had said anything at all, but he didn't turn away from me yet. I found myself releasing an unbelieving chuckle, and I nodded up and down. I could take a hint, or more like a bunch of hints. Really rude hints. _

_I wished I wasn't as speechless as I was. I wish I had the guts to say something back defending myself. Even better I wished I had gone to those psych classes my mom had audited on a whim last fall from the university. Maybe I could have responded smartly and been able to figure out what the hell his problem was. And then as if to prove that I might benefit myself from those psych classes, I actually apologized again. _

"_Sorry." I muttered as if it was an uncontrollable tick. _

_He chuckled then with a humorless smile. He watched me intently for a little while longer before he sighed and turned away again. _

I finished the last bite of cereal and lifted my bowl sipping the left over milk. When I brought the bowl down Alice was standing in the kitchen in front of me with a huge smile startling me.

"Jesus!" I cried out. The bowl clattered on the table before it fell to the ground. She moved to pick up the bowl.

"Wow. I'm glad you are pig and drank all your milk because that would have been a real mess." She held the bowl waving in front of my face, and then tossed into the sink.

"How did you get in here?" I said still breathless. She held up a single key.

"Key. You know the one you gave me six months ago." She shrugged as if she was talking to a five year old.

"Yes, I see that. I mean how did you get in here so quietly?" I replied perturbed that she had surprised me so ruthlessly. She sat down across from me.

"Oh." She lifted her foot up in the air. "Ballet shoes. They're in style this summer, but I find them very practical. Apparently they are very effective in being sneaky too." Alice smiled deviously at me. I gave her a look to show I was not impressed, but she continued being bubbly and guiltless.

"Well if you are thinking practical perhaps I should thank my lucky stars." I countered back sarcastically.

Alice was a makeover queen, and I had slipped through her vice like grasp many times. I feared now though as I started to make true progress in my recovery that she would glue stilettos to my feet.

"Yes, you should be happy because I bought you some. They are in the front room. Come on." Yes, some things never change. Alice Cullen is one of those things.


End file.
